there's paper in my vomit.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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