So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
