I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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