I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
