it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
