five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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