Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
