Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize