Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it penis luge time yet?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
