Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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