Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
