Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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