worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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