Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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