I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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