she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
