I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That's how pantless uber rides happen
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
