hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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