I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
