Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
