Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
