dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
