So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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