Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
