Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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