Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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