other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
