brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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