Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Randomize
