question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize