between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
