There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
