so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
