is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
