I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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