oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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