After last night, I could never be a politician.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
