you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
