There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Your tits are I can't wait for
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm really busy with my period
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