We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
