Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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