when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
