We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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