so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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