exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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