I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
