My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
