every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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