I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
