omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
