I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
