I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
