..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
