so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
