Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
