His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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