If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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