I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she told me i tasted like america
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
