the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
