I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
