So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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