I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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