yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize