She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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