highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
