Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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